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A crippling and painful experience like grief can also activate pleasure areas of the brain, according to a new study.

While most people let go of their loss, for a substantial minority, any reminder of their loss - a picture, a memory - brings on a fresh wave of grief and yearning.

The question is, why do some grieve and ultimately adapt, while others can't get over the loss of someone held dear?

University of California (Los Angeles) scientists suggest that such "complicated" grief activates neurons in the reward centres of the brain, possibly giving these memories addiction-like properties.

"This study is the first to compare those with complicated and non-complicated grief, and future research in this area may help psychologists do a better job of treating those with complicated grief", said Mary-Frances O'Connor of UCLA and co-author of the study.

"The idea is that when our loved ones are alive, we get a rewarding cue from seeing them or things that remind us of them," O'Connor said. "After the loved one dies, those who adapt to the loss stop getting this neural reward.

"But those who don't adapt continue to crave it, because each time they do see a cue, they still get that neural reward. Of course, all of this is outside of conscious thought, so there isn't an intention about it," she said.

The researchers looked at 23 women who had lost a mother or a sister to breast cancer. (Grief is very problematic among survivors of breast cancer patients, particularly among female family members). They found that, 11 had complicated grief, and 12 had the more normal, non-complicated grief.

Each of the participants brought a photograph of their deceased loved one and were shown this picture while undergoing brain scanning by functional MRI. Next, they were scanned while looking at a photograph of a female stranger.

The authors looked for activity in the nucleus accumbens, a region of the brain most commonly associated with reward. They found that while both groups had activation in the pain network of the brain after viewing a picture of their loved one, only individuals with complicated grief showed significant nucleus accumbens activations.

(These findings have been reported in the journal NeuroImage.)

A new marriage guidance book is causing quite a stir in America. Authored by Mira Kirshenbaum, an American psychotherapist with 30 years experience in marriage counselling, it says that an extra-marital affair can actually help save your marriage, acting as an SOS call to encourage an unhappy couple to work on their troubled union.

In her latest book, When Good People Have Affairs , Kirshenbaum also argues that society today lacks a sympathetic view of infidelity and that adulterers are well-intentioned people who have simply made a mistake, reports The Belfast Telegraph.
"Cheating on your spouse isn't a moral act, but most men and women who have affairs are good people who made a mistake," writes Kirshenbaum. "They never thought that it would happen to them but, suddenly, they're in this complicated, dangerous situation."

She also insists that adulterers should never own up about their cheating because doing so will only cause more pain and heartache.

Kirshenbaum believes that the 'right kind' of affair can have a positive effect. "You could think of it as a necessary medical procedure. If your marriage is in cardiac arrest, an affair can be a defibrillator."
But Kirshenbaum - whose husband betrayed her when he had an affair - has been criticised by some peers. "The defibrillator is applied to somebody's heart when it has actually stopped and they are at the point of death," said Professor Leila Collins, a counselling psychologist and principal lecturer at Middlesex University. "If a relationship is at the point of death you terminate it."

Collins also points out that infidelity is rarely between the two people involved - that often spouses, innocent children and the wider family circle become unwitting collateral damage.

Yasmin Alibhai-Brown, a columnist whose partner left her a student 14 years her junior, said Kirshenbaum's book made her "blood boil". "As one of the millions betrayed then abandoned by an adulterous partner, I cannot stomach the ceaseless compulsion to shed guilt and shame, the editing-out of the hurt and chaos caused within the family, the long-term damage to kids," she wrote in the Evening Standard.

In the book, Kirshenbaum lists some 'hair-raising' statistics that may cause some married couples to pause for thought: overall, she claims, some 47% of married men are likely to become emotionally or sexually involved with someone else, as are 35% of women.

For those concerned that their infidelity means the imminent demise of their marriage, she lists a few pointers. She says you should stay with your partner if your affair falls into certain categories, including trysts that are 'accidental', related to a mid-life crisis or some kind of attempt at 'revenge'.

source: TOI

WASHINGTON: A new study has revealed that frequent intercourse can cut erectile dysfunction (ED) risk in men.

Researchers from Finland have revealed that men who had intercourse more often were less likely to develop ED.

Over the period of five years, the team studied 989 men between 55 to 75 years from Pirkanmaa, Finland.

They found that men who had intercourse less than once per week were twice as likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction. Further, the risk of erectile dysfunction was inversely related to the frequency of intercourse.

Out of 1000 cases, 79 cases had men who had sexual intercourse less than once per week, which dropped to 32 cases per 1000 in men having intercourse once per week.

The number further dropped to 16 per 1000 in those reporting intercourse 3 or more times per week.

In addition, the frequency of morning erections predicted the development of complete erectile dysfunction, with an approximate 2.5-fold risk among those with less than 1 morning erection per week compared with 2 to 3 morning erections per week.

"Regular intercourse has an important role in preserving erectile function among elderly men, whereas morning erection does not exert a similar effect," said Juha Koskimaki of Tampere University Hospital, Department of Urology, Tampere, Finland.

"Continued sexual activity decreases the incidence of erectile dysfunction in direct proportion to coital frequency," Koskimaki added.

The study indicates that regular intercourse protects men from the development of erectile dysfunction, which may, in turn, impact general health and quality of life. The study is published in the July issue of The American Journal of Medicine.

source: TOI